Peter asked Jesus about forgiveness and received a clear statement backed by a memorable parable.
“Then Peter came and said to him, ‘Lord, if my brother or sister sins against me, how often should I forgive? As many as seven times?’ Jesus said to him, ‘Not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy-seven times'” (Matthew 18:21-22).
Jesus’ words should put to rest the saying, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” If we lean more toward this age-old saying than to Jesus’ counsel, we need to pay careful attention to His parable.
People who pray, “Your kingdom come,” in the Lord’s Prayer are supposedly members of God’s kingdom. In this relationship, God is the King and we are His servants. In the parable, a king summoned a servant who owed him 10,000 talents. Rudy Ross has calculated this debt to be in excess of multiple billions of dollars in today’s economy.
The king proposed to have the servant and his family members work off the debt. The servant’s response was to ask for mercy: “So the slave fell on his knees before him, saying, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything'” (Matthew 18:26).
What is ironic about the servant’s request for mercy is his assumption that he would be able to pay off such an enormous debt if only the king would have patience. The servant would have to live multiple lifetimes to be able to pay back a debt ranging in the billions of dollars. In mercy, the king did what the servant wasn’t able to do: he forgave his debt.
Let’s remember that Jesus’ death on the cross was God’s solution to our sin-debt problem. Multiple lifetimes of excellent behavior are not enough to settle our debt with God, which He graciously paid for us through the suffering and death of Jesus.
Seven Times?
If I were Peter, I would think it quite generous to offer to forgive someone seven times. I would have found it beyond comprehension to think about forgiving someone 77 times. How can Jesus expect that of us?
I guarantee you that Jesus has forgiven me more than 77 times for outright rebellion and transgressions of His commandments. All I have to offer Jesus is a plea for forgiveness, but He gave His life on the cross in order to forgive me over and over again.
As the parable continues, we meet another servant who owes a very small debt to the man who has just been forgiven a debt of several billion dollars. This servant asked for mercy, using the exact same language as the first one:
“Then his fellow slave fell down and pleaded with him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you'” (Matthew 18:29).
Rather than forgiving the debt, the first servant “refused; then he went and threw him into prison until he would pay the debt” (Matthew 18:30).
When the king found out about the slave’s behavior, he had him severely punished.
Genuine Struggles with Forgiveness
Some of my friends in recovery would describe my troubles as “Cadillac” problems. I have had some hurts in life, but none that compare with the people I have counseled.
I remember sitting on a couch with a mother who was planning her young son’s funeral because he was soon to be executed by the State of Missouri. Another mother’s grief and anger were long-lasting because a man shot her son in a bar fight and was never prosecuted for the crime.
One man, as a child, had to sneak out of the house through a window when his father would come home. Another saw his father throw his mother down a flight of stairs. Multiple adults have told stories of horrific child abuse.
When I listen to stories like these, I believe we are on “holy ground.” Their pain is real, and a message about forgiveness is very difficult to receive. I have two suggestions for people who have difficulties with forgiveness:
(1) Forgiveness will set you free. Imagine holding a heavy book against a wall. As long as you hold the book there, you are stuck and won’t be able to get on with your life. Unforgiveness stops your progress in a similar way. As hard as it may be, forgiveness will set you free.
(2) The Lord will help you. Just as the Lord knows how much you need His forgiveness and is active in giving it to you, He will help you forgive others. Try this: ask the Lord to help you begin to forgive. Start small and keep on praying. See what the Lord will do with you.
Every time you begin to recreate your anger over what has happened to you, let that be a signal to pray. Your prayer may be as simple as: “Jesus, I don’t know how to forgive or even want to forgive this person. Please help me to be open to forgiving this person who has hurt me.”
YouTube Discussion
Rudy Ross, Bruce Kirby, and I discussed this passage on YouTube today.
Real Voices 