There is an important note at the beginning of Matthew 19 that gives insight into the remainder of the book:
“When Jesus had finished saying these things, he left Galilee and went to the region of Judea beyond the Jordan. Large crowds followed him, and he cured them there.” (Matthew 19:1-2)
At the end of each major section in Matthew, there is a summary statement about Jesus healing the multitudes. These verses highlight the fact that Jesus’ ministry was primarily in Galilee. When we get to the Triumphal Entry later in Matthew’s Gospel, we can count on the majority of the crowd being Galileans who have followed Him to Jerusalem.
Even though crowds followed Jesus, opposition to God’s purposes through Him began shortly after His baptism. The devil was the first to test Jesus, but the evil one was able to enlist religious authorities to take up his work.
Testing from the Pharisees
Jesus wasn’t alone when the Pharisees posed a controversial question to Him. They didn’t want information, but instead used the discussion to draw the crowd away from following Jesus. Jesus was the target of their test, but the crowd would also be affected by how He answered.
Some Pharisees came to him, and to test him they asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any cause?” (Matthew 19:3)
The question of divorce was a test for Jesus, but it has also been a test for generations in the church. Most of us have encountered people who see anger, resentment, gossip, racism, and greed as acceptable, yet take a hardline stance on divorce—often deeply wounding brothers and sisters in Christ who have suffered through the pain of it.
How do you uphold God’s design for marriage without injuring God’s beloved children? Jesus doesn’t give us an easy out on the question. First, He affirms God’s plan for marriage:
He answered, “Have you not read that the one who made them at the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” (Matthew 19:4-6)
You are probably familiar with the Proverb: “Iron sharpens iron, and one person sharpens another” (Proverbs 27:17). While sharpening the blade on my mower, it dawned on me that iron sharpens iron through pressure and friction.
Every couple experiences pressure and friction to some degree. If we take Jesus’ admonition to not separate seriously, the pressure and friction of married life will sharpen us.
I recently heard Dallas Willard talk about his 55 years of marriage. He said, “We always loved each other, but we weren’t always in love with each other.” Their love kept them united, even when pressure and friction made the feeling of being in love difficult.
Hardness of Heart
The religious leaders wanted Jesus to look bad in front of the crowd. Like reporters and politicians today, they asked a “gotcha” question.
They said to him, “Why then did Moses command us to give a certificate of dismissal and to divorce her?” He said to them, “It was because you were so hard-hearted that Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.” (Matthew 19:7-8)
Jesus turned the mean-spirited question of the Pharisees in a direction for our benefit. To get the best guidance from Jesus’ answer, let’s think for a moment about the kingdom of God.
Followers of Jesus are not part of the kingdom of self, the kingdom of the world’s system, or the kingdom of Satan. We are members of God’s kingdom.
Dallas Willard illustrated the kingdom of self at a conference when he asked a woman in the front row if he could have her purse and look through it. Like most people would, she grabbed her purse and said, “No.”
Willard told the crowd that the purse was part of her kingdom. In other words, it was under the effective control, power, and reach of this woman.
As people who belong to God’s kingdom, there are times when He wants us to surrender control of our attitudes and actions. The testing ground for this kind of surrender is most evident in our marriages. Moses granted divorce because people refused to surrender their wants, desires, attitudes, and actions to their spouse.
In God’s kingdom, we readily surrender what is ours to the Lord and to our spouse. Paul teaches that this is to be a mutual surrender:
“Being subject to one another out of reverence for Christ.” (Ephesians 5:21)
The best translation of this passage is, “Subordinate yourselves to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
Subordinate was a term used in the Roman Senate for times when a senator yielded what was rightfully his to another senator.
Unlike the hard-hearted person who demands their own way, we surrender what is ours to our spouse, reflecting our membership in God’s kingdom. The pressure and friction of that surrender will sharpen us and ultimately bless our marriage.
Living as members of God’s kingdom isn’t easy, but it is the best way to live. We will all often fail to live as citizens of His kingdom, and we can praise God for His forgiveness and restoration.
YouTube Discussion
Rudy Ross, Bruce Kirby, and I discussed this passage on YouTube today.
Real Voices 