If you ask pastors about the hardest part of serving the church, they will probably say it is dealing with conflict. For me, that has been the toughest part of working with churches over the years.
Even though conflict, forgiveness, and reconciliation are very hard work, they are at the heart of what Jesus accomplished for us.
“For if while we were enemies, we were reconciled to God through the death of his Son, much more surely, having been reconciled, will we be saved by his life. But more than that, we even boast in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation” (Romans 5:10-11).
Followers of Jesus are expected to reflect the character of their Lord and Savior. Jesus doesn’t want us to remain enemies and has given us a plan for forgiveness and reconciliation.
“If your brother or sister sins against you, go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone. If you are listened to, you have regained that one” (Matthew 18:15).
How do we regain friendship with someone who has offended us? Jesus counsels us to go to them and work the problem out. The goal is to regain a relationship that has been broken. It is important to keep this goal in mind when we confront them.
I think the best thing we can do is ask the Lord for guidance and follow the direction of the Holy Spirit, keeping in mind the goal of regaining a friend.
Second Attempt
Not every attempt at healing a broken relationship works. Jesus provides a second step in the reconciliation process.
“But if you are not listened to, take one or two others along with you, so that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses” (Matthew 18:16).
I can’t emphasize enough that this step is not an effort to prove how right you are and how wrong the other person is. The goal is still the same. Just as Jesus didn’t stop until He overcame our enmity, we should do the same with others.
The best thing two or three people can do is to pray and ask God for the correct attitude before a meeting with an offending party. If our hearts are right and we approach the person with grace and love, we can expect a good outcome most of the time.
Third Attempt
If the person refuses these overtures toward reconciliation in the presence of two or three other people, it is time for the church to act.
“If that person refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church, and if the offender refuses to listen even to the church, let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector” (Matthew 18:17).
A few months ago, a young man approached me at church. Even though I’m retired, he asked if it was okay for him to attend services. I said, “Sure, no problem.” Then he reminded me that I had kicked him out of church a few years ago. I had forgotten about it because there have been several people I’ve asked to leave over the years.
To be clear, you really have to commit a serious offense for me to ban you from the church. I remember one young man who was behaving inappropriately with women. I told him there are 2,000 churches in Kansas City—1,999 other places he could go, but not this one.
However, it’s important to remember that when we treat people like Gentiles and tax collectors, Jesus reached out to them and even dined with some to win them over. The goal of reconciliation remains the same.
Intercession and Reconciliation
Jesus wrapped up his talk about reconciliation by discussing prayer. I once listened to Francis Frangipane speak on this topic. He pointed out the big difference between intercession and gossip. When we gossip about those who have hurt us, we give off a vibe that shows we don’t want them around. But if we ask God to help us connect with them, they’ll sense that too.
Here is Jesus’ counsel:
“Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. Again, truly I tell you, if two of you agree on earth about anything you ask, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them” (Matthew 18:18-20).
You probably know these verses where Jesus talks about prayer. Have you ever thought that our prayers can set people free? They invite the Holy Spirit into their lives and ours. They give us God’s power so we can communicate with people better and turn them from opponents into friends. That’s really God’s goal. After all, God defeated His enemies by making them His friends.
YouTube Discussion
Rudy Ross and I discussed this passage on YouTube today.
Real Voices 