One of the Alcoholics Anonymous OG’s wrote about his experience with AA and the Bible. He found that the Sermon on the Mount, 1 Corinthians 13, and James to be his “go-to” books in the Bible.
If we combine the insights of AA and the Sermon on the Mount and consider resentment and unforgiveness, we learn that the shortest path to relapse is to maintain resentment.
The quickest way to freedom from hurts is to follow Jesus’ message in His famous sermon. Here is one piece of Jesus’ wisdom that, if humanity applied it, we would have a far different place in which to live.
You have heard that it was said, You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I say to you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be children of your Father in heaven” (Matthew 5:43-45).
Unfortunately, Absalom is a case study in what not to do when we have been wronged. He allowed resentment and unforgiveness to fester like an untreated wound for two years.
After two full years, Absalom had sheepshearers at Baal-hazor, which is near Ephraim, and Absalom invited all the king’s sons (2 Samuel 13:23).
Absalom learned that David would not be attending the sheepshearing event, so he asked for Amnon to attend.
Then Absalom said, If not, please let my brother Amnon go with us. The king said to him, Why should he go with you?
But Absalom pressed him until he let Amnon and all the king’s sons go with him. Absalom made a feast like a king’s feast (2 Samuel 13:26-27).
There is no question that David could have improved his parenting skills with his children, especially considering the rift between Absalom and Amnon. It would have been quite interesting to have been a “fly on the wall” and observe how Absalom reasoned with David during this meeting.
Murder
The account of Amnon’s murder is one sentence in length, but it carried immense consequences.
Then Absalom commanded his servants, Watch when Amnon s heart is merry with wine, and when I say to you, Strike Amnon, then kill him. Do not be afraid; have I not myself commanded you? Be courageous and valiant.
So the servants of Absalom did to Amnon as Absalom had commanded. Then all the king’s sons rose, and each mounted his mule and fled (2 Samuel 13:28-29).
David feared that Absalom had killed all of his sons. Jonadab, who earlier gave Absalom evil advice, gave the king a correct assessment of the situation. For our purposes, let’s focus on the revenge aspect of the story.
But Jonadab, the son of David’s brother Shimeah, said, Let not my lord suppose that they have killed all the young men, the king’s sons; Amnon alone is dead. This has been determined by Absalom from the day Amnon raped his sister Tamar.
Now, therefore, do not let my lord the king take it to heart, as if all the king’s sons were dead, for Amnon alone is dead” (2 Samuel 13:32-33).
Jesus experienced the unimaginable agony of the cross to provide forgiveness for our sins. Without a doubt, He is an authority on forgiveness.
Jesus should be our model, rather than Absalom. Here is how Jesus counsels us to deal with hurts and resentments.
So when you are offering your gift at the altar, if you remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother or sister, and then come and offer your gift” (Matthew 5:23-24).
Jesus reasons that we can’t properly worship God while we are unreconciled with a brother or sister. The first act of worship is to do what is needed to restore our relationship with someone.
Once again, Jesus emphasized forgiveness and reconciliation in the Lord’s Prayer, as well as in a further comment following the prayer.
And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.
For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses (Matthew 6:12, 14-15)
Hebrews directs us to unresolved bitterness and resentment. Absalom’s actions are a case study in what happens when we allow a “root of bitterness” to remain and grow to full bloom.
See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God, that no root of bitterness springs up and causes trouble, and through it many become defiled (Hebrews 12:15).
Broken Relationships
We don’t have insight into the inner workings of Absalom’s heart. Did he feel remorse over killing his brother? Was he sad that he had to run away from the presence of his father?
We know more about David’s feelings. He greatly mourned the death of his oldest son and the broken relationship with Absalom.
But Absalom fled and went to Talmai son of Ammihud, king of Geshur. David mourned for his son day after day. Absalom, having fled to Geshur, stayed there three years.
And the heart of the king went out, yearning for Absalom, for he was now consoled over the death of Amnon (2 Samuel 13:37-39).
Better Watch Out
One of my friends who is active in AA often says, “You’d better watch out, pal, or you’re going to get loaded.” His statement is true for addicts, pointedly for allowing resentments to fester and poison their inner lives.
Absalom and the record of history reveal that a “revenge tour” is never healthy for anyone concerned.
Even though Jesus’ message of prayer for our enemies and forgiveness for those who have harmed us is strong medicine, it is the best counsel we could receive.
YouTube Video
Rudy Ross, Bruce Kirby, and I discussed this passage on YouTube today.
Real Voices 